That’s my new motto. I can’t claim coming up with the idea. I stole it from Derek Sivers. But then I added the word fuck to it to make it my own.
Those of you that know me, are not at all shocked right now. I swear all the time. You know I enjoy it. And it is at least part of the reason I choose the word fuck. But it’s not the only reason.
I struggle to say no. And I know, I’m not alone. We all struggle to say no.
Just ask anyone working a corporate job. I guarantee they have a t0-do list 3 miles long with shit they volunteered to do cause they didn’t know how to say no.
There multiple psychological reasons for this behavior. However, I’m a little low on caffeine today though, so I’m sure I’m missing some:
- Our desire to feel connected to others. Everyone wants to identify with a group. I think it goes back to our hunter gather days; getting thrown out of the group meant almost certain death.
- Loss aversion. This could be an ease of recall bias since I wrote about it yesterday. But, I think it still applies. Tt hurts less to do a small task for someone else than it does if you upset them by saying no. So we just say yes.
- Hyperbolic Discounting. Think of it as a corollary to delayed gratification. We make the decision to help based on how we feel in that moment. And in that moment, the potential pain of saying “no” can be high. We’d tend to delay feeling pain for as long as possible. By saying yes, we avoid the pain of saying no, and push the potential pain of doing whatever we committed to somewhere into the future.
The point I’m trying to hammer home, is that we will almost always lean towards yes.
Saying yes sometimes is good. Saying yes too often is your downfall. Every time you say yes though, you’re losing a little bit of focus. You’ll lose yourself in someone else’s vision. You’ll no longer be focused on doing what you need to grow yourself and your business.
And that’s where the fuck comes in.
No by itself isn’t strong enough for me. It doesn’t stand out. It doesn’t shake me up. It’s half assed. I don’t feel an emotional response.
Even if you don’t say it out loud, there’s feeling in that. There is a tone that goes with “fuck no” that a simple “no” doesn’t have. Fuck no is more confrontational. I can’t ignore it. It says to me, “The decision is made and I’m ready to defend that choice.”
- Saying yes dilutes your focus. Only say yes to things resonate with you. That move you. That you know get you closer to your goals, both personal and business.
- If you aren’t saying hell yes to an opportunity, it’s a no
- Saying no is tough because our cognitive biases make it easier for us to say yes
- Instead say “Fuck no!”